Sexy Mature Torrie

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “I have this problem with gas,
but it really doesn’t bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent.
As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office.
You didn’t know I was farting because they don’t smell and are silent.”
The doctor says, “I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week.”
The next week the lady goes back. “Doctor,” she says, “I don’t know what the hell you gave me,
but now my farts — although still silent — stink terribly.”
The doctor says, “Good! Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing….”

An Irishman walks into a bar and orders three glasses of Guiness, drinking them one at a time. Noticing this odd ritual, the bartender explains that the beer goes flat when poured and informs the man his beer would be much fresher if he ordered one glass at a time.

The Irishman explains he began this custom with his two brothers, who have moved to America and Australia, respectively. This is their way of remembering all the time they spent drinking together.

The man becomes a regular at the pub, well-known for always ordering three beers at once. One day he walks in and orders only two beers. Assuming the worst, a hush falls among other patrons.

When the Irishman returns to the bar to order his second round, the bartender quietly offers his condolences. The man looks confused for a moment, and then explains, “No, everyone’s fine. I gave up beer for lent.”

In Memorium
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote “The Hokey Pokey”, died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

Question: How do you get an american to eat a turd?
Answer: Dip it in chocolate and say it has no calories

I think I made the very Naughty List this year! 
I hope Santa cums to tell me about it in person!

10. Did you get any under the tree?
9. I think your balls are hanging too low.
8. Check out Rudolph’s honker!
7. Santa’s sack is really bulging.
6. Lift up your skirt so I can get a clean breath.
5. Did you get a piece of fruitcake?
4. I love licking the end till it’s really sharp and pointy.
3. From here you can’t tell if they’re artificial or real.
2. Can I interest you in some dark meat?

And the No. 1 Christmas phrase that sounds dirty but isn’t:

1. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.

Little Johnny was staying with his granny for a few days.
He’d been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, “Granny, what’s that called when 2 people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?”
She was a little taken, but she decided to just tell him the truth. “It’s called sexual intercourse, darling”.
Little Johnny just said, “Oh, OK,” and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, “Granny, it isn’t called sexual intercourse.
It’s called “Bunk Beds”. And Jimmy’s mom wants to talk to you.”

The teenager tells her “Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You got let your rosebuds show!” and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting here with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate…

The grandmother says, “Loosen up, Sweet. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets.”

Yes, its a shameless plug for my own private site…so go visit me damnit!

A flashy showgirl married a 97 year-old retired well-to-do General, largely because she held the belief that the old codger wouldn’t even survive the wedding night.
While her new husband was in the bathroom, the woman slipped into a black see-through nightie and struck her most seductive pose upon the bed. When the old man finally emerged, she was startled to see that he was stark naked except for earplugs, a clothes pin on his nose and a condom.
” Why are you wearing those?” she asked in amazement.
” Because if there’s anything I just can’t stand, “he grumbled, “it’s the sound of a woman screaming and the smell of burning rubber.”

THE SEXY MINKA IS BACK!